What a terrible, difficult, horrendous weekend.
I was doing great all week until Friday evening came around. I can’t put my finger on why, but after I got home I just started eating…and didn’t stop until last night. Saturday and Sunday were more emotional reasons but WHY??! Why did I have to eat so much? I’m totally afraid of looking at the scale. Too afraid. Ugh. If I keep up at this then I will just keep gaining weight.
It’s hard to lose weight when you feel like crap all the time. The ending of my friendship with Craig has really taken a toll on me in every way imaginable. I just eat non-stop, I cry, I yell, I curse. It’s not pretty in the slightest. My heart is broken and it hurts with every beat. People hear tell me just to ignore him until he comes to me but they don’t know the truth. They don’t know that that will never happen. He doesn’t care about me anymore in any way possible and it just hurts.
I just need lots of hugs and lots of support from people but I am so afraid of putting myself out there again and getting hurt yet again. This is what he has done to me. This is what I’ve turned into. Someone who is afraid to live, afraid to love, afraid to succeed.
So I don’t know what to do from here. I know that today I am going to run, and possibly even lift. Today I am going to do my best to protect my heart. Today I am going to pretend that I am strong.
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